A year of so many ups and downs.
Of hurt, and questioning,
unexpected events and tragic news.
A year of putting one foot in front of the other
despite utter confusion about nearly every aspect of the future.
A year that until recently made me quite frustrated. Then recently, I began reflecting upon various childhood memories. Out of the blue, a seemingly insignificant memory came to mind. I was in my early elementary years, maybe 6 or 7 years old. My two older brothers were about 8 and 10. . . They were in a stage of Lego Obsession. Day after day, they toiled over pieces and pieces of tiny, colorful legos. . . They worked relentlessly, crafting massive lego dynasties. They planned cities and meticulously worked to develop these cities.
One day, I was playing downstairs, near their Lego City. . . The boys were both gone, probably out riding bikes or spending time with friends. I often used my imagination when I was younger, and played "house", "school" "church", and "dance class". . . I think that day involved an imaginary dance class. . . The class was going well until I decided to attempt a trick that I hadn't previously mastered. I went for it and BOOM, fell to the ground. Not only did I fall, but I fell RIGHT SMACK on Lego City. Hours and hours and hours of planning and building - - DESTROYED.
I felt awful. I didn't intentionally ruin the city my brothers had created. I knew they would be upset, and I didn't want that. I remember my brothers coming home and being devastated. They were angry, sad, defeated, and confused. Everything they had planned was gone. Shattered. They were disappointed.
My mom, being the peacemaker, kept trying to convince them that it would be ok. . . That they could start fresh and make an even better city. . . That they could adjust the things they didn't like, and change things for an even more creative and exciting look. . . Soon, they began working diligently again, and after many many more hours of work, they had an even more polished, visionary, higher quality Lego city. . . They had new visions and dreams of portions of the creation, and soon an amazing masterpiece was in the place of the shattered remnants of before.
Though much of my mom's persuasiveness was likely an attempt to avoid a massive fight between myself and my brothers, I think that there is a great deal of truth in her reasoning. . .
Sometimes, we plan how things should look. . . We work tirelessly to develop our lives as this "lego city" based on the blueprints of our minds. . . Yet, we don't see the whole picture, and our plans are not God's plans. Sometimes, our "cities" have to be taken down. Our plans and human workmanship need to be reevaluated. Sometimes, it seems like everything has shattered, that every piece of our lives have fallen to the ground in destruction. But maybe, the truth is that there is more coming, and that we were unable to see the full blueprint in our first design. Sometimes our first plans need to be shaken, taken down in front of us. God doesn't intentionally do this in order to cause us grief and pain. . . But, He does know the plan, the ultimate blueprint for our lives. And sometimes, that means that our human desires need to be revised. . . revamped into a more beautiful workmanship.
So, even though at times, the pain leads us to question everything, it's crucial to remember the truth. . . He knows the Plans He has for us. His is the ultimate blueprint, and He will reveal it to us as we continually seek His will.
Some of the opportunities and experiences that are coming into my life recently are ones that I would have never chosen for myself. Yet, they fit me in ways that I hadn't previously identified. They've come through trials and pain and confusion, yet through all that, a new blueprint is being developed. Rebuilding after a fall is scary, and uncomfortable. There's questioning and fear from the downfall of before. Yet through it one gains strength and endurance and hope and peace.
The concept of Beauty From Ashes really holds true. . . All might seemed lost, destroyed, broken. Relationships may be shattered, career and educational goals might dwindle, illness and injury may change all that once was. Yet God takes us through that fire. He molds us and refines us. He gives us strength and comfort as we grieve the loss and destruction and change, and embrace the new life that HE has planned for us. Truly He is the Master Architect, the one who knows us inside and out. And in that, we can have Hope.
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