Separation.

I think it's time for a separation.
It just has to happen.

No matter what I do, no matter what thoughts I think, or how E.D tries to convince me, the Eating Disorder does. not. work. It doesn't do anything.

Really it just creates an awful cycle in so many fronts.
I feel depressed, overwhelmed, confused, sad, anxious, whatever,
I turn to E.D, giving myself over to an array of symptoms.
The feelings that I had over a completely different situation
have now intensified as I am also overwhelmed and upset at myself for turning to E.D.

He only makes things worse. There is no end with E.D. He only wants more, and he resolves nothing.

I need to separate.

And right now, food and feelings just can not mix.
I need to go back to the basics, sticking to a food plan and exercise plan and just. do. it. It's not going to feel good. I'm going to panic. Situations will come up that will make me want to turn back to E.D. But I can not mix them. Food is food and exercise is exercise, and what I do with them does NOTHING to solve emotional issues or situations in my own life. It only makes things worse.

So I've gotta keep working on both fronts. I need to just be black and white about food and exercise, and I need to do my best to not let anything that happens through out the day cause me to run to symptom usage.

It's time to move on. It's time to get away from this lingering idiot. Here goes. . .